Cleanse Toxic Relationship From Your Life
“It takes energy to remove toxic people from our lives, so it’s important to learn how to keep toxic relationships out of our lives in the first place.”
How much arsenic would you let someone put in your food? Here’s a better question: How much lead paint would you let be on the walls of your child’s bedroom?
I would guess the answer to both of these questions is “None!” So, if we wouldn’t let anyone put poison in our food or in our paint, why do we often let other people bring poison into our lives?
Stop Drinking Poison
Over the years, I’ve had many people come to me for relationship advice. My wife and I have been married for 25 years, and if I’ve been able to keep someone as great as Karen around for so long, I must know something about having a strong relationship. That’s why I often get asked, “How do I know if I should stay in this relationship?” This question by itself is difficult to answer, but, usually, it’s followed by, “I know they’re not great, and they always bring me down, but I don’t know if we should break up!”
When someone’s partner is bringing them down or making them feel bad about themselves, that’s what the books I’ve read call a “toxic relationship.” Toxic is a great word to use because these kinds of relationships are literally poison to our lives. They aren’t good for us, and, in fact, make our lives so much worse. Keep in mind that toxic relationships can be found in any relationship, not just romantic ones. We can have toxic friends and even toxic family members.
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, I say let them go! Otherwise, you’ll spend all your energy trying to change that other person, or you wither away under all that toxicity. The only way to feel better is to cut them loose. The trouble is that people are often hesitant to leave that relationship because they’re afraid they won’t find someone else. But that fear only leads people to stay in unhappy relationships. Is being alone really so much worse than being stuck with someone else’s poison?
It takes energy to remove toxic people from our lives, so it’s important to learn how to keep toxic relationships out of our lives in the first place. Start by remembering that we attract to us who we are being. Confident people who love themselves tend to attract other confident, self-assured people. On the other hand, when someone has low self-esteem, they tend to attract people with low self-esteem — or worse, people who prey on those insecurities.
This by no means implies that people who are in toxic relationships “deserve” it. I believe that when we find ourselves in an unhappy relationship, we can take advantage of that opportunity to look inward. What lead you to this point? Many times, the things we don’t like in other people are reflections of things we don’t like about ourselves. When we see those reflections, we can improve them and become better people.
While even great relationships can have their challenges, I don’t believe relationships should be hard. If every day is hard and draining, and you don’t want to spend time with your significant other because they just complain all the time, ask yourself if you’re in a toxic relationship. If the answer is yes, ask if it’s time to call it quits. Making that choice is difficult, but trust me, it’s worth it when you finally find yourself in a healthy, happy relationship.
–Ramiro Rodriguez, Jr.